My ASS is on FIRE!
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Tag to The FisherKing, Part 2. Reid's emotions in the last few seconds before he was deafened by the explosion and engulfed in flame, mildly AU regarding the...interesting aftermath,and the immortal words his team will not soon forget. Funny! Plz R&R!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but enjoy using the characters for random LOLs...**

**Tag to: The Fisher-King, Part 2 -Wherein Reid is of the explod-i-ness...**

**ENJOY!^^**

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><p><strong>My Ass is on Fire…<strong>

**~)0(~**

There was a split second between life and death, when the Fisher King's finger was hovering uncertainly on the button; his mind of two halves. Uncertain as to whether he could heal or not, whether he could _forgive_ _himself…_

The answer was soft, whispered, full of self-hatred, pity and truth… "_No…_"

And the world was full of fire…

~)0(~

It was only a split-second, but it was enough to change his world; the twisted, burned parody of a man appeared struck upon a thought, his hand relaxed for a mere second…and then with a whisper, sealed his doom.

Reid turned swiftly and screamed, "RUN!" before sprinting as anyone would, faster than he had ever done so in his life; adrenaline surging within his lithe body, setting everything a-tingle with what felt like…light? His mind tried to quantify the strange thought, but the logical part of his mind fought against it; survival instinct finally taking over and forcing his legs to run, if possible, even faster than before.

It had only been mere seconds; his fingertips had barely lost the smooth, painted sensation of the doorframe…there were only a few feet from the door to the safety of the staircase, his shoes pounded the floor. Instinct screamed to duck as the concussive force of the explosion blew through the door, sending shards and fire in every direction…

~)0(~

Fire, flame, it blossomed out around him like a giant flower of orange light; the world fell into slow motion…he saw each individual piece of door as it flew past, licks of flame stretched out in tiny curls and grazed along hair, clothes and skin… He felt it sear along his back, but unlike the others, the burning heat stayed, even as the carpet drew closer to his nose…

He hit the ground with a thump, real world ringing loudly and speeding up until he no longer felt…felt what? His heart beat hard and loud as if to escape his chest…it thudded painfully in his ears, causing his mind to ache in symphony with the high-pitched ringing that pervaded every thought.

Someone was shouting at him, familiar voices but distant…he saw fire, all-consuming flame, flaring in the corner of his eye…he turned to look… It was then he realised, the only thought that broke through the haze of confusion, the only insight to come of everything that had just occurred...and he nearly burst out into hysterical laughter at the thought…

Only a deep breath kept him sane as he realised… _"My Ass is on Fire…"_

~)0(~

Suddenly Morgan was there; his jacket wadded into one hand and was carefully beating the flames licking up his trouser leg, the other appearing in his vision as the other Agent continuously looked back to his face. Mouth moving silently, and then the words hit, "…-n't move, Reid! Whatever you do, don't move!" he yelled, whacking back at the flames again. Then Hotch appeared, making emphatic gestures at him to stay on the ground for the moment, but any minute would come the-…

"...-What was that?" Reid grimaced slightly and gazed up at his mentor…yep, there it was…

~)0(~

As Hotch alternately berated him and worried aloud, Reid found he needed to giggle slightly, leaning into Morgan as the other man pulled him upright with equal-parts deliberate care and urgency, as the flames took hold. Morgan paused, Hotch taking a few steps forwards before realising the others had stopped and turning…

"Uh, Reid…? You okay Kid? Pretty Boy?" Derek called at him, trembling arms showing the restraint the man was showing at simply not just grabbing Reid and shaking him; Reid, for his part, giggled again and leaned closer as Hotch got closer, concern all over his face. "_Hey, Morgan…_" he whispered conspiratorially, Derek leaned closer with brow furrowed, "_Morgan…guess what…? When…when the bomb exploded…there was fire and stuff!_"

There was a shared expression of concern over his head, both seeming to confer that their Boy Genius had gone a_ little_ crazy…

Still, when Reid whispered at Morgan again, he leant in; Hotch also seemed to edge closer out of the other's view, and they both listened with surprised incredulity as the youngest of their tem whispered confidentially, "_When the bomb exploded…My…My ass was on FIRE!_"

Derek leaned back with a strange expression on his face, which broadened to a beaming smile as he clapped the young Doctor on the back and said, "Yeah, he's gonna be fine!"

~)0(~

After the girl had been rescued, day been saved, etc…the generalised everyday occurrence for the members of the BAU; another day saved…and now, the long flight home… On the plane, it was significantly crowded, but comfortably so…like a family all occupying the living room at the same time, each had their own space and yet if it was infringed, no one really minded...

Elle was quietly staring out of the window, gazing at the pale horizon already giving way to night; before her rested Morgan, avidly dividing his time between reading one of the generic magazines available to them all, and gazing at their youngest member. Reid, for his part, slept soundly upon one of the double seats, Gideon and Hotch forgetting their game of chess for a moment to look down on him.

The paramedics at the scene had said he was fine; no concussion, mild shock and the skin exposed to the explosion would be tender for a few days…not to mention…

~)0(~

JJ ferreted around in one of the cupboards by the small toilet/bathroom and drew out a folded blanket; she passed it over to the older men. Gideon accepted it, shaking it out and draping it over the oblivious Dr Reid…Hotch instinctively tucking him in and tugging a book out of his hand.

Hotch turned to Gideon and put a hand on his shoulder, "He's fine…you know that. It's not your fault this happened." Jason Gideon reached down and pushed Spencer's stray hair from his face, before turning to face the other, "I know…it's just, he's so young and he's here because of me…I never thought he'd be so reckless! Maybe it's my fault, I mean, I _did_ put him on the same team as Morgan…"

Said Agent leapt upright and turned with wide eyes, "Hey, you aren't pinning this one on me…" Gideon turned back with an eyebrow raised, "Oh? And why not?"

Morgan thought hard, "Well, when we were gettin' our boy outta there, he seemed a little…well, outta it, you aren't going to _believe_ what he said…"

~)0(~

As simple as that, your life can become completely strange in one grand moment, and sometimes, you aren't even aware of it…take the day Reid finally convinced Gideon to let him come back to work. It had taken a week of logical arguments and…well, plain begging had worked too…though he would never admit to it…

The second he stepped out of the elevator, something had seemed…off; the first indication he was in significant danger was Agent Greenaway…Elle was by her desk as he passed, she dropped something and bent down. Hissing loud enough for only him to hear, she straightened slowly and rubbed…well, rubbed her backside; most significantly was the way she groaned, "Oooh, I've got this burning pain…"

Not to mention when he tried to enter the Meeting Room, JJ and Gideon jumped upright, claiming -and he had to replay the moment in his mind to make certain he had heard it right- that their "Seats were too hot!"

Garcia also made mention of how a 'fried hard-drive was a massive ain in the butt', which was out of character in it's self…

Even if he hadn't had an IQ that near-defied logic…there was significant reason to be nervous, especially as his team seemed to be acting stranger and stranger every second of the day…

~)0(~

Finally having had enough, Reid was on the verge of throwing a juvenile temper-tantrum, settling for bursting into the alternate Conference Room and demanding, "_What the Hell is going on with you People_?" His angry, confused and frustrated tirade skidding to a halt as he saw his team leaping out from under desk and chair, all over the room; screaming, "Surprise!" at the top of their lungs.

Reid twitched, and flinched back at the sonic boom of sound heading his way…when he finally regained speech, he asked, "What…what exactly is this for?" Eyes wide and mildly frightened at the sudden attention; his teammates wisely remained back a few paces so Morgan could come forwards. "Why don't we tell him, girls?" he called over his shoulder.

Upon the roof was a rolled-up bundle of…what looked like fabric, two cords hung down from either side; cords which JJ and Garcia, beaming, grasped and yanked simultaneously. It unfurled to show a brilliant red banner, decorated by flames; with the words "My ASS Was On FIRE!" emblazoned in foot-high glitter…

There was an impossible sensation of his heart falling into the pit of his stomach…Garcia flustered over, seeing his saddened expression and said, "Hey, Baby Boy…before you get upset by all this, I should point out…there's cake!"

"Reid…Spence, we just wanted to do something for you, you took a heck of a risk when you spoke to that unsub…even if you do say the most adorable things when shell-shocked…" smiled Morgan, to which Elle gazed at the man and said, "Did I just hear rough, tough Agent Derek Morgan use the word 'adorable' in a sentence?'

Morgan seemed personally offended by the statement… "Hey, I can say that if I want to! I'm not afraid…" he put on his swagger, slightly exaggerated by the need to be overtly-masculine. "Hotch, tell Derek to stop being such an idiot!" called Elle, to which Hotch replied, "Derek stop being stupid. Elle, stop picking on Morgan."

Gideon looked Reid in the eyes, wordlessly he smiled and nodded; Hotch clapped the young Doctor on the back, "After you pulled that little stunt, and the fact you got hurt doing it… Gideon and I were seriously considered wrapping you up in alternating layers of cotton and bubble wrap…but, certain people convinced us it would be best if we merely threw you a 'Pity Party' and let you get on with it.

We just wanted you to know you are one of our best Agents, even if you do say the most interesting things when you're in partial-shock…"

Before Reid could fully engage his mind to form a good comeback, a festively decorated plate with a multi-coloured slice of confectionary, fruit and a fork appeared before his eyes. The bangled hand that held it upright belonged to none-other than Garcia.

"See, I told you there was cake!" she said brightly, and pressed it into his hands; Spencer smiled back, "You did…"

Everyone had a slice in hand and some preposterous toast to 'salving wounds both literal and figurative' was being made –he got the impression that he would never be allowed to forget those memorable words…- and so smiled, picking up a forkful of cake.

Delighting in the sweet taste of the confection, and wondering if it would ever be as satisfying as the revenge he know plotted in his mind…

**_THE END...?_**

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><p><strong>Thanks For 'Reid'-ing, please Review, I love to hear from you...<strong>

**To be honest, this was a very strange idea that occurred to me last night whilst watching a borrowed copy of Criminal Minds, Season 2. I just thought, "I wonder what's going through his mind right now? What with the being-on-fire-ness and all that...?**

**===============REVIEW========================**


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